How to make a billion

Sue Someone

If you haven’t already figured out how to make a billion dollars and are beginning to get desperate, then here’s an idea just for you. But it’s only fair to warn you that while some of the methods on here vary from ambitious through to unlikely, this one clearly falls under the ‘Really Not Recommended’ category. Which is unfortunate because the subject in question, public litigation, is worth over a QUARTER OF A TRILLION DOLLARS per year. That’s a potential 250 new billionaires each and every year. Whether you’re suing McDonalds or divorcing an ex-Beatle, there are record payouts to be found everywhere.

One of the largest personal injury payouts went to 79 year-old Stella Liebeck after burning herself on a cup of coffee from McDonalds. After refusing McDonalds’ inital offer of $800, Mrs Liebeck took them to court and was awarded almost $3 million, although this was eventually reduced to an undisclosed sum below $600,000 after numerous appeals.

Another large, and well-publicized payout went to Heather Mills after divorcing ex-Beatle Paul McCartney. Sir Paul was ordered to pay a total of £24.3 million (around $45m), plus payments of £35,000 each year to his former wife of two years. That amounts to around $20m per year of marriage to the ageing singer, which must presumably have been several times more painful than third-degree burns to the groin.

Of course, there haven’t been any examples of people being awarded a billion dollars so far, and it’s probably a few years away yet. But that doesn’t stop people from cashing in big when things go wrong and somebody else can be blamed.

So how can you sue someone?

Look around you for people who have done something that you could blame them for. Think back over the events in your life, unfortunate accidents and silly mishaps that could have been avoided, and could also be blamed on someone else. Physical injury and property damage tends to work best, so focus on situations where you where cut, scarred or hurt, or had your things ruined. Perhaps a neighbours dog bit you, or jumped up and soiled your clothes. Sue him (the neighbour, not the dog). Maybe your dad accidentally ran over your bike as a kid. Sue him. With compounded interest, this could be worth thousands if it happened in the 80’s or earlier. If you have any bad food allergies, peanuts, milk, wheat, try to think of a time when you mom gave you anything with that in it. If your head swelled up to more than twice its size, you could make a fortune.

So take the time to think of any accidents in your life and get yourself a lawyer. If you’ve had a particularly rough childhood, you might already be a billionaire!

Tags: litigation, sue someone